Why Does a Girl Act Hot and Cold? It's Confusing!

Guys, you know the feeling ... one minute she is totally into you, and the next she is ignoring you. Why do women do that? Is she really into you, or is she playing you? What is going on?

Okay, well I readily (and I guess somewhat shamefacedly and somewhat proudly) admit that I have often been guilty of the sin of giving mixed signals to men. Here are some of my personal reasons why I have acted that way, in certain times of my life, due to certain circumstances. Remember!!! Every woman is different in her own way, so don't take the ideas below as gospel. This is just one (that's me xxx) woman's honest opinion.

If I am attracted to a man, and I feel that he is sending me mixed signals, then I get nervous.  What if he doesn't really like me?  What if he's playing me?  What if he's already attached and I don't know yet?  I will flirt when I feel safe to flirt, but if I feel even the slightest hint that he isn't responsive to my flirting, I will back off, and pretend that I'm not all that interested.  I might even ignore him the next time I see him, until he gives me some sign again that he is interested in me.  Then I will open up again.

Women are sensitive - more than most men (and women) realise!  I often take things personally, even if it is not intended that way.  If you are having a bad day or you are stressed, or whatever - just take a second to let me know that THAT is the reason you are brushing me off.  Then I will not think it is something that I have done, I'll be happy to give you your space, and I'll be there for you when you are more emotionally available.

No matter how crazy I might be about a man, sometimes it is inappropriate to flirt, or even admit an interest. At these times, I may seem suddenly cold and unresponsive, or even ignore him completely - it's not the man, it's the situation. Some examples of this might be:

• We work together and I don't want to flirt in the office to the point of starting rumours
  
• My ex or your ex is somewhere in the vicinity and I don't want any conflict
• You are / I am / We are both married or unavailable in some way, and I don't want our feelings made public
• Someone has said something about us and our relationship, and I want to prove them wrong or throw them off the scent
  
• I'm pretending to others that I'm not interested in you for whatever reason ... trust me!
  

If he has hurt me, I'm going to be angry. When I love someone, it opens up my emotions in every way - not just my feelings towards him, but feelings that I have kept repressed for much of my life. I open up to and with him. If he disappoints me (and he will - he's human), to me it's like reliving bad memories, and I associate those feelings with him. I will more than likely over react, and if he tells me I'm over reacting, I will be even more upset with him. I will punish him by shutting him out and perhaps letting others get closer.

This is the time to listen to a woman - don't offer advice, just listen. You would probably walk away and spend time alone.  A woman needs to talk about it.  She is not attacking you personally, she just needs to work her way through the problem. Once she has sorted it out in her own head, she will realise and admit that she was overly emotional, and she'll be ready to show appreciation to you for letting her vent.

Something has happened to make me feel unsure about myself or about our relationship.  I'm worried that things are not right.  I need the man to prove himself to me.  Once he would have gone off and killed something for our dinner, and I would have known everything was okay.  Today it's a little more complicated.  I might test him by being aloof, sad or perhaps even angry.  If he walks away and doesn't give me a sign that he cares, I definitely will be angry.  I need him to show me love - he needs to tell me and to show me, and then everything will be okay again.

I'm not interested in him, but I know he has feelings for me, and I love the attention. If he comes on too strong - I do everything I can to put him off. If he loses interest, I miss the attention and try to regain it. It's mean, it's cruel and unfortunately it happens often. 

If a woman is doing this to you - move on!

Lots of men are attractive, but it doesn't mean that I want a relationship with all of them.  Some men are downright unattractive, but they are still people with feelings and emotions.  Sometimes I might just feel flirty, but today I might not notice a man I flirted with yesterday.  Sometimes I might politely respond to flirting because it would be rude to do otherwise.  Sometimes I might really like a man, but just not in a relationship kind of way, if you get my drift ...

If a woman is attracted to you enough to want to get to know you better, perhaps intimately, you will know.  She will find a way to let you know. 

I'm not going to pretend otherwise - woman are complex and complicated individuals ... often much more so than men.

I think that the trick, if there is one, in dealing with mixed signals from a woman, is to look at the whole situation.  What has just happened?  Who is around?   What is the woman's overall response to you?

As I said at the beginning, I am definitely guilty of sending mixed signals.  However, I personally don't believe that there is one guy out there who I've ever liked - be it a crush or a full on relationship - who didn't know for sure, 100%, that I had feelings for him.